thank you for not abandoning me in the chaos. will you ever know how being alone scares me, even though it's all i seem to strive for.

relapse

1. to fall or slide back into a former state.

2. to regress after partial recovery from illness.

3. to slide back into bad ways; backslide.

i don't want to go back there.

you know, where it was dark and wired. like electricity and split personalities and cake mix and vomit and deep black hunger.

i especially don't want to go back there ^^ but the thing is...i

x xx

the big bad world huffed puffed but did not tear her paper heart down.

i have survived four days out of my lego brick prison.

in other words, i'm discharged. no longer detained at her majesty's pleasure. free to do what i please ...well, not really the latter but still.

i'll take bets on how long it'll last if you like?

i ramble. i've missed this place. but somehow i doubt anyone reads here anymore. why would they? for so long now i've lacked the words to say, the words to some up the whirlwind in my head.

and now?...

...now i'm frightened incase they capture me again 'cause they read here and they know my secret hiding place. i don't ever want to be locked in the tower again, with liquid food, arms locked by bears.

love always,

quinn x xx

don't tell me that you love, just don't lie to me. don't tell that it's better, just don't lie me.

it's a strange, somewhat cynical flaw but a fundemental one nonetheless; the problem with psychiatry (and one which will no doubt remain) is that people lie.





we change the truth, our own truth and others. and we tell little white lies and mother's shaking voice, "don't tell me porky pies."

yes, it's so easy. yet it's sad because the only one who gets hurt is you and me, everyone who's ever lied, "i'm better."



x xx

follow the link; down the rabbit hole, through the tunnels, into the maddening dark.

follow this girl. she is magical, perhaps a little crazy and the coolest butterfly i know.

http://pissirrintating.blogspot.com/

x xx

i'll be here. waiting for you. far away from everyone.

i want to tell you that i'm not getting better; that even though i'm eat more i'm still losing weight, still obessing over ever calorie, still walking to burn the fat away, still lying through my teeth day on day.

but i can't tell you because then someone might try to stop me, might lock me away again but this time, throw away the key.

and i know it's not that i can't get better, it's that i won't.

i'm too distorted, i'm looking through a kaleidscope of fragmented colours and shape. i keep blurring, i keep dipping, below the horizon and into the swell.

i love you little world. i hope your twothousanthandeleventh year is wonderful and fine.

x xx

hope. happiness. hugs.

happy christmas little world x xx

swimming with stars and fishing for comets, someone hold me, never let me go.

dear universe,

please send some inspiration this way.

many thanks,

the girl who's paper heart is missing it's ink scrawls.