hope went missing. and i don't just mean figuratively. you took the pills then skipped work to flight around the city. my heart stops when you finally give up the refuge you have sought. near water, up high; all the key sets to suicide.
then you let the rest of the truth spill forth and i can't breath as i think of you swallowing the pills.
crying out to the room; get the car keys, hurry up, i have to find her...
and i do.
i run up the hill, air tight in my lungs and caught in my throat. there's a man walking his dog, maybe someone cycling too but i can't tell, blind with fear at what you have become.
one last call and you finally pick up. i find you by the pond, joggers idling past. i swear at you, hugging you close as the pills make your body heave and shake.
mummy finds us and so do the police. twenty minutes for ambulance with eyes staring one; estate boys watch, mouthy to the police who moves them on shouting little shits after them.
i don't care. i just pace in the cold, chewing at my sleeve and pounding adrenaline with each step. your eyes are closing so i force numbers from your mouth, let's count; one, two, three, four. then check your pulse as the world rushes by. it's racing on too.
the ambulance is slow. rattling but no sirens. they save you, we save you, i save you but now you need to save yourself.
