it's nearly over and yet not even begun, you stole the ideas and chose to run.

it's funny how just the pressure of the blade does more damage than it's cuts. purple brusing because the fragile blood vessels reputure.

i want tramadol for my pain but they won't prescribe it. codine is addictive and so are all the others.

so for now i'm self-medicating with dreams. 

i think of nursing in neo-nate wards and of falling in love with a doctor. i list baby names and future pets. i picture being a good mother and living in a new town flat. all random thoughts of a wonderful life.

i negate to think of the exams, the birth, the losses, the cost of such ideals. to think of price is to limit and i only want the limitless.

the world, my world, is unstable at the moment. turning on an axis that's going just a little less slow than i would like.

x xx